I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
