I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
