youre lurking in front of me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
