that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Still dying that you shit outside
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
