i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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