well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
