...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
