i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
