i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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