fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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