I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
