I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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