i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
