This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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