yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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