I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
bring money and cleavage
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
