bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
