My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your dad touched me again.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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