and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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