At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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