My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.