All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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