I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
