your thong is hanging out like whoa
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.