Texts From Last Night

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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

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  (601): I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works http://tfl.nu/8yse
  Replies (12) Good night (1069) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends

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  (714): It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends http://tfl.nu/q0nl
  Replies (5) Good night (2410) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.

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  (571): I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad. http://tfl.nu/ovcp
  Replies (48) Good night (5093) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (53) Good night (10536) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

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  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1426) Bad night (5792)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

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  (319): You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there http://tfl.nu/a5ka
  Replies (14) Good night (1089) Bad night (2928) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house

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  (410): I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house http://tfl.nu/84we
  Replies (5) Good night (1650) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.

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  (573): You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field. http://tfl.nu/swf8
  Replies (7) Good night (1781) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.

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  (732): You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire. http://tfl.nu/i4tp
  Replies (7) Good night (1466) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.

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  (717): Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too. http://tfl.nu/67rw
  Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.

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  (407): the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much. http://tfl.nu/a71i
  Replies (1) Good night (369) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?

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  (901): No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants? http://tfl.nu/d3zx
  Replies (1) Good night (905) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?

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  (651): How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now? http://tfl.nu/kz7z
  Replies (8) Good night (821) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  No shame in my game.

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  (701): You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills. (320): No shame in my game. http://tfl.nu/4hn7
  Replies (4) Good night (1052) Bad night (333)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.

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  (410): There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this. http://tfl.nu/4z9s
  Replies (4) Good night (493) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt

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