and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up under a house in Key West
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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