I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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