Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
