Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So much Jack, so little girl.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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