It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
