i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
