Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
