i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
