Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
