You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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