I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
