What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
