My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
