so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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