pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
