How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
