with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
