I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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