so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
