I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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