"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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