dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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