My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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