Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
