Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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