He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
