So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
