suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
