so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
