allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
