i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
