Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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