But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
