After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
