and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
