You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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