WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
