Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think people are normalizing furries
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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