I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
