When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
