WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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