Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
