she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
