Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
