I'm jealous of your bromance
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
