I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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