omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
