guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
