I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
