So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
