Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
