Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
