Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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