What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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