I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
