I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
