Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her vagine was all disorganized.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
