just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I currently don't understand fingers.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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