My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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