I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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