OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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