Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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